12/7/2023 0 Comments Doc a tot emily ratajkowskiIn my pregnancy, I learned that despite the confidence of doctors who act as if there is no mystery or magic in our physical lives, this is something for which we have no clear explanation. No one knows what exactly triggers a woman’s body to go into labor. “The body knows,” she says, reaching for a broom. It smacks against the wall and smashes into little pieces. This time the jar flies out of my hand, as if charged with some kind of current. I block out thoughts of how stupid I feel, how silly I must appear. I hate that there is anyone I want to punish, but I exhale and close my eyes. “Sometimes it helps to think of someone you want to punish,” she tells me. And I do not trust my own body to take the reins. I would rather hurt myself-metaphorically stab myself-than let anyone else hold the knife. I understand that embracing anger means relinquishing that control, that assessment, that distance from myself, but I am desperate for control. I think about what I must look like to the neighbors and to my therapist. I imagine someone looking out their window to see a skinny woman throwing an object at a brick wall. “I don’t think it is made of glass, so it might not break.” I take it, noting its fragility in my hand. “I don’t think you’re crying because this is silly.” She crouches down to the bowl and selects a balloon. I laugh, embarrassed, quickly wiping one away. Has it really come to this? I am surprised to find hot tears spurting from my eyes. Her kindness makes me feel ridiculous and, more than anything, pathetic. big!” She throws open her arms and spreads her legs, widens her mouth into a large O. “I’ve done this before,” she offers charitably. “Oh no,” I grimace, “I already hate this.” I think about her pouring the water into the balloons for me before my arrival and shudder with humiliation. On the roof of her New York City building, she places a glass bowl filled with water balloons on the ground before me. “How about you come in and break some things?” she says. When I repeat this dream to my therapist, she listens intently and expressively-as therapists do-before she speaks. Read More: Emily Ratajkowski Thinks Feminism Is ‘Everyone’s Job’
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